Father – Son Relationship
Anyone can be a father, but being a dad takes a lifetime.
The child’s idol: The child idolizes his father in everything he does. The father is the ultimate man in the world. He exercises a great influence on the child's young mind. It is only later in life do we get to see the fruits of this influence.
Research on father-child influence shows that:
1. Fathers are more rigid, threatening and demanding than mothers.
2. Fathers use more disciplinary actions to punish than mothers.
3. Children who are frequently punished and reprimanded by their fathers, experience personal problems and difficultly in school.
4. Fathers, who are to controlling, rigid, use physical punishment as a form of discipline, nourish delinquent boys.
5. Unresponsive, unloving and uncommunicative fathers produce dependent, reticent, depressed and dejected children with low self-esteem.
A defining factor of a child’s relationships: A child’s relationship with others depends on the father’s relationship with the child. A father impacts a child’s choice of friends, spouses and alliances based on how the child has understood the meaning of the relationship with his/her father.
A Pillar of Strength:
For children, a father is a pillar of safety, security, emotional and physical well-being. Children are always looking for their father’s approval and appreciation. An involved father promotes inner strength and growth and greatly influences a child’s cognitive and social development.
Research on father – child affection shows that:
1. Children are more generous when they see their fathers to be comforting, affectionate, generous and helpful.
2. Passionate fathers who do not impose their will on their children and provide reasonable yet firm guidance promote self – confidence, competence and high self-esteem in children.
3. Fathers who exercise positive influence on their children, see their boys to be popular among their peers. These boys scored high on academic and professional achievement scale as well as masculinity scale.
4. Children who have grown up in the care and guidance of their fathers are in more control of their lives, are empathetic and motivated.
5. Fathers who have placed their families first over everything else see their sons taking up the attitude of their father’s. They become responsible, committed member of a family and eventually dedicated family men.
Admiration and fear: A child admires and fears his father’s physical strength. He wants the father to be powerful but also dreads that power at times. The father is required to walk the middle ground between control and freedom, between domination and permission, between dictation and free will.
How to walk the middle path?
Set limits: Fathers need to establish rules of behavior and ensure that these rules are being maintained within reasonable limits. Children respect parents who are firm and at the same time provide gentle guidance allowing them to make choices of their own.
Be responsive: Instead of dictating terms and ways, a father may listen to the child’s suggestion and respond to it as much as possible.
Be warm and affection: Do not shy away from showing your affection to the child. A cold and an unaffectionate father only ends up widening the father – child relationship gap.
Be expressive: By being expressive of his love, the father sends the message across to the child that his love will never cease and the child has his father’s back. This boosts his confidence and self-esteem.
Participate in academic activities: By being wholly involved in your child’s daily academic life, the father gets a deeper insight of his child’s world and is well-equipped to handle issues in a more empathetic manner.
Have ‘the talk’: Do not hesitate to answer awkward, uncomfortable questions. An honest conversation with the child only strengthens the bond between the two and it prevents him from gaining information from misleading and unhealthy sources.
Spend time together: No matter how busy you are, take time out to go for a walk, have dinner together daily, establish a conversation about your day and your child’s. Be a part of each other’s lives. This way you are creating memories for a lifetime.
Share your experiences: Whenever possible, share your life experiences with your child. This makes your child feel trusted and valued.
Put on your child’s glasses: Try to see the world from the child’s perspective. Ask questions – what is the real issue? What is he trying to say? What is he aiming at? This will help the father in understanding the core issues and in resolving them while reassuring the child of his unwavering support and help.
How to walk the middle path?
Set limits: Fathers need to establish rules of behavior and ensure that these rules are being maintained within reasonable limits. Children respect parents who are firm and at the same time provide gentle guidance allowing them to make choices of their own.
Be responsive: Instead of dictating terms and ways, a father may listen to the child’s suggestion and respond to it as much as possible.
Be warm and affection: Do not shy away from showing your affection to the child. A cold and an unaffectionate father only ends up widening the father – child relationship gap.
Be expressive: By being expressive of his love, the father sends the message across to the child that his love will never cease and the child has his father’s back. This boosts his confidence and self-esteem.
Participate in academic activities: By being wholly involved in your child’s daily academic life, the father gets a deeper insight of his child’s world and is well-equipped to handle issues in a more empathetic manner.
Have ‘the talk’: Do not hesitate to answer awkward, uncomfortable questions. An honest conversation with the child only strengthens the bond between the two and it prevents him from gaining information from misleading and unhealthy sources.
Spend time together: No matter how busy you are, take time out to go for a walk, have dinner together daily, establish a conversation about your day and your child’s. Be a part of each other’s lives. This way you are creating memories for a lifetime.
Share your experiences: Whenever possible, share your life experiences with your child. This makes your child feel trusted and valued.
Put on your child’s glasses: Try to see the world from the child’s perspective. Ask questions – what is the real issue? What is he trying to say? What is he aiming at? This will help the father in understanding the core issues and in resolving them while reassuring the child of his unwavering support and help.
“You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons, and if you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if it’s just in your eyes.”
Walter M. Schirra, Jr
