How Little Feats Can Take On a Big Feat
Teaching young kids about emotions and talking to them about how they feel is extremely vital for their future success. It underpins their happiness and their social and emotional well-being as they learn to not only recognize and understand different emotions but also to label them and consequently deal with them in an appropriate manner.
It has been reported by Daniel Goleman that it is emotional intelligence (EI) rather than intelligence quotient (IQ) which is responsible for the future success, happiness and general life satisfaction of a majority of children. Emotional competencies are not innate talents, but rather learned capabilities that must be worked on and can be developed to achieve outstanding results. Goleman's model outlines five main EI constructs (for more details see "What Makes a Leader" by Daniel Goleman, best of Harvard Business Review 1998):
1. Self-awareness – the ability to know one's emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives, values and goals and recognize their impact on others while using gut feelings to guide decisions.
2. Self-regulation – involves controlling or redirecting one's disruptive emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.
3. Social skill – managing relationships to get along with others
4. Empathy – considering other people's feelings especially when making decisions
5. Motivation – being aware of what motivates them.
A review published in the Annual Review of Psychology in 2008 found that children with high emotional intelligence have the following traits when compared to those with low level of emotional intelligence:
- Good social behavior
- Better social relations
- Are more pleasant, socially skilled and empathetic to be around
- Better academic performance
- Better negotiating ability
- Enjoy high life satisfaction
- Lower levels of insecurity or depression
- Ability to make right health choices and behaviour
- He/she understands the feelings of others
- Make friends easily
- Is ready to adapt to change of situation and environment
- Easily gets attuned with new people
- Is confident and not hesitant to ask for help if needed
- Is able to establish a conversation with others
- Is able to explain his/her own feelings
How do I make my child emotionally intelligent?
Walk the Talk: Be a role model. Manage your feelings in a dignified manner. If you are angry, tell your kids you do not feel good and need some time for yourself, or a hug or a kiss would make you feel better. So you are not shying away but attaching empathy to a negative emotion. Your kids will emulate your approach and will follow your example.
Give Them Your Ear: Listen to them when they talk about their emotion and help them to deal with it in an appropriate way. Show them the way and guide them through.
Let Them Socialize: Provide them with ample opportunities to interact with other kids, so that they learn ways to manage conflicts/disagreements that arise while interacting with others and adapt to peaceful, respectful means while keeping calm.
Life Lessons: When faced with a familial situation, let them be a part of the discussion. This makes them feel important and responsible enough to take on the role of a serious contributor to the decision making. They learn of the various emotions faced by other members of the family and learn to support them to the best of their ability. Let them know that a negative emotion is not something to be ashamed of but it is to be handled with poise.
Teaching our little one self-control and how to regulate emotions effectively, some pointers:
1. Stop and take deep breaths
2. Change physiological position: Lie down, sit down, stand up or go for a walk around the house.
3. Motivate yourself by self-talk: “Yes, I know I am angry but will not lose my cool. I can do it.”
4. Being optimistic: By not being judgmental but by giving the other person the benefit of doubt: “Her dad is sick, and she is stressed, may be that is the reason she reacted this way.”
5. Confide: Talk to the person whom you trust the most.
6. Sharing personal stories: When adults share their stories about their feelings, children understand useful ways to express and regulate their own emotions.
Conclusion: By supporting emotional intelligence in young children, we as adults get an opportunity to learn to regulate our own emotions as well. Integrating emotional intelligence into our daily life helps in laying the foundation of our own self-regulation and empathy. The agility in dealing with our thoughts, emotions and our experiences that evolve over the years help us to thrive in an increasingly competitive and complex world. We will be able to aid our young ones navigating through their life and this world with resilience and with the ability to ‘accept the world as it is’ and not as ‘we wish it to be’. When children learn to struggle with respect, dignity, proper training and the right tools, the initial discomfort is just a gateway to freedom. There is no fear of any failure or rejection in their growing years which lasts for a lifetime. They can say confidently – “Bring it on, I know how to handle it.”
Ref: Daniel Goleman - Wikipedia
Let Them Socialize: Provide them with ample opportunities to interact with other kids, so that they learn ways to manage conflicts/disagreements that arise while interacting with others and adapt to peaceful, respectful means while keeping calm.
Life Lessons: When faced with a familial situation, let them be a part of the discussion. This makes them feel important and responsible enough to take on the role of a serious contributor to the decision making. They learn of the various emotions faced by other members of the family and learn to support them to the best of their ability. Let them know that a negative emotion is not something to be ashamed of but it is to be handled with poise.
Teaching our little one self-control and how to regulate emotions effectively, some pointers:
1. Stop and take deep breaths
2. Change physiological position: Lie down, sit down, stand up or go for a walk around the house.
3. Motivate yourself by self-talk: “Yes, I know I am angry but will not lose my cool. I can do it.”
4. Being optimistic: By not being judgmental but by giving the other person the benefit of doubt: “Her dad is sick, and she is stressed, may be that is the reason she reacted this way.”
5. Confide: Talk to the person whom you trust the most.
6. Sharing personal stories: When adults share their stories about their feelings, children understand useful ways to express and regulate their own emotions.
Conclusion: By supporting emotional intelligence in young children, we as adults get an opportunity to learn to regulate our own emotions as well. Integrating emotional intelligence into our daily life helps in laying the foundation of our own self-regulation and empathy. The agility in dealing with our thoughts, emotions and our experiences that evolve over the years help us to thrive in an increasingly competitive and complex world. We will be able to aid our young ones navigating through their life and this world with resilience and with the ability to ‘accept the world as it is’ and not as ‘we wish it to be’. When children learn to struggle with respect, dignity, proper training and the right tools, the initial discomfort is just a gateway to freedom. There is no fear of any failure or rejection in their growing years which lasts for a lifetime. They can say confidently – “Bring it on, I know how to handle it.”
Ref: Daniel Goleman - Wikipedia
